Quote of the day

Hate is easy – love takes courage

Okay, I know I can pretty averse to pseudo-inspirational things most times, but once I get started on something in that vein I can wax lyrical about the cheesiest, most roll-eyes-worthy of things. And uhh.. I think this is one of those times. So, reader consider yourself warned.

I'd like to think that there's no 'good' or 'bad' feelings. I mean, usually by 'good' feelings you kinda think of happy, hopeful, excited, etcetc right. And bad you usually think of anger, shame, sadness, etcetc. All of them are part and parcel of the human experience and should be embraced. So the past few days have been fucking shit for me and I guess I just wanted to remind myself that like all feelings, nice or not so, they will pass. The bad will pass. (Just like the good will, too) You just have to hang in there and kinda wait it out. The more you try to suppress it, the worse it will get eventually.

PS. Although if there's anyone out there who's feeling consistently bad over a long period of time, it may be due to something else and it may be wise to seek help. <3

For anyone who feels like things went wrong and can't be fixed:

Hohoho. Remember what I said about awkward social situations as a way of taking a stand against social constructs? Uhh, scrap that. I think maybe the truth is, sometimes I just am socially awkward, period. I do well in situations where there's clubbing or alcohol involved, or when I'm with a bunch of twelve year olds, but other than that.. I think I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I've been spending so much time alone that I've forgotten how to *gasp* talk to people. Except when we're making cynical/sarcarstic banter. Whiiiich, kinda leaves out most social situations. And brings be to orchestra practice. God, am I dreading going for prac later. Well, not exactly. I'm kinda looking forward to it, but not the hi's and smiles and the introductions and the chitchat. I mean, I'm kinda having trouble imagining what to say about just mia-ing for dunno how many semesters, let alone to people I can barely remember the names of. And god, I hope nobody asks me what major I'm in, because I haven't the slightest clue.

So I was waiting for the bus the other day, and it hit me that sometimes I can be very.. *gasp* socially awkward. At times. NOT ALL THE TIME. (lol, I did not just attempt to brainwash anyone) In an attempt to comfort myself I thought of how kids interact, or at least what I think of how they do. I was goofing around with the youngest sister and her friends during their last hols and it was pretty therapeutic, seriously. Hennyways. I've since decided: why should I care about whether or not I'm good with social conventions or small talk with people that I'm not really interested in or whatever. Because these are nothing but social constructs anyway. So.. from now on if I do some 'awkward' thing like stand off to a side while a group of people I know are talking, forget my p's and q's, or maybe eat with my hands, just know that it's my way of taking a stand against the constraints placed on us by society. Huzzah for the individual!

Btw, I won a book at the Darwin Day event! AWWWWSHUM.

I nearly killed myself today.

Aaaand.. why exactly am I posting this here? Because this is supposed to be a positive-ish blog and the fact that I'm typing this is.. well positive, I guess. I'm not saying I'm happy that I changed my mind (for the millionth time), but well. Everyone says that not dying is a good thing, so I guess it might be partially true? :S

HELLO WORLD! And welcome to my universe! (haha, koped from pogobat here)

Just watched Black Swan yesterday, and damn it was good. Woots. Definitely worth the wait for it to reach Singaporeland. But me being the noobfied horror/scary movie watcher that I am, had to (oh no I'm really embarrassed to admit this) *gasp* cover my eyes and/or gasp loudly and/or utter expletives in a not so soft volume during certain portions of the film. But all's good though. I wasn't the only one. Urms, actually I think I'm kinda exaggerating it a little, cos I tend to have a very low tolerance for horror stuff hehe. If you liked Shutter Island, Esther or Lake Eden, then OMG YOU MUST WATCH THIS!!

In other news, seeing a new therapist today and I'm somewhat nervous. Somewhat.

I'm not sure if you're lucky enough to have met people like this. I know I have. You know how there are some people who are just so uplifting that when you are in their presence you feel like trying to be the best you can be. They somehow inspire you without doing or saying anything out of the ordinary, without any of those pseudo-inspirational platitudes or the catchy one-liners at those talks people go to. So yeah.. when I was doing the CNY baking with the church aunties last month that was the feeling I got. And I read somewhere (I think it should be celestine's blog) that you should surround yourself with people like that, rather than people who keep making you feel sapped.

And then suddenly I realised.. Good god! What if I'm the kinda person who's very draining myself!!!! Shucks man. Uhhh. So. My new mini-goal is go try to be like them. Those uplifting aunties. I know, I know. I'm really far from the goal and such. I can be whiny and sarcastic and tend to go on about the same few things. But.. I'll try. You know, the shit about aiming for the stars and even if you fail you land on the moon and such.

So.. I guess that's all for now. Tata.

*be inspired.. somehow*