I've been thinking about starting a blog like this for a long time. Something to keep track of the good things, and to record life's journey etcetc *insert something pseudo-inspirational here* Yup, so here it is. I don't really know what the end product will look like right now.. but I do know that it's gonna be something focused on the positive and boy am I looking forward to it!

For those who've actually managed to hang out/spend time with me in the recent months (not many people I'll admit) you'll kinda know that I've been what is commonly referred to as "emo". Ah.. But things weren't bad just recently, it's just that I've only started being more open about things. (Sorry if I make friends and such feel uncomfortable when I actually do bring stuff like this up) And emo.. doesn't quite encapsulate what it is to be like this. Being medicated, always coming back to thoughts of suicide no matter what, hating yourself, always doing things to spoil your own chances at success/happiness. Ah well, anyways. Didn't come here to whine about all that.

What I wanted to say in my first post was.. It has been some journey to even get to where I am now. Just hope that anyone who knows me happening to read this won't give me the riiiight.. so you're 'taking a break' now *skeptical look* thingamajig when I get asked what I'm doing now the next time we meet. Because you haven't written suicide notes so many times there's nothing left to write. Because you haven't tried ODing/putting a wire around your neck/aiming for the vein/picking out a high spot and look down from it so many times it's impossible to remember or count all of them. Because you don't cut yourself in public toilets because you can't take it any more, haven't cut yourself so deep you have to squeeze the sides together for ages in order for the wound to start closing up; because you don't have patches of ruined skin on your thighs that will take years to unscar themselves, if at all. Just.. because. I'm on a journey to be okay, and most of you will probably not know what it's like in your entire lifetime. I just hope that you respect what I'm doing and trust that I'm doing what's best for me. I haven't been and I'm not 'doing nothing' or wasting my time for the past year and more. I'm doing what I need during this timeout to save my life.

I will venture back into some semblance of a 'normal' life when I am ready. I've done enough living half alive already. Now it's time for me to heal up before I start living proper. :)